The 2013 has been a long winter for me. The winter, when it’s cold outside, it’s snowing so much and starts to get dark soon, puts you to the test. In December, I remember, I was at the intersection of the road that goes from my house to the city. I live in a big house with many rooms. the ceilings are very high and it is very difficult to have a comfortable temperature. But it is not the temperature of the house the problem. The problem is always the temperature of the heart and my heart took two years to heal itself. As I was saying I was at that intersection, thinking about the “single’s hard life”, when a lot of unfortunate things happen and you can never count on anyone.
At that intersection, I was thinking also that if I had overcome the winter or I would have been shown to be immortal or it was the definitely proof that I was in this world to do something. I’d light up a cigarette and rolled down the window… broken. At that point I said something loud of very unpleasant, but then I saw the sunset and everything stopped around me. I was remebering India. India of my heart. A warm winter. A winter special. Really special.
In December of 2010 I was in Rishikesh, in northern India, with the group of students of Wellpark College, Auckland, New Zealand, dedicated to integrated medicine where doctors, nurses, allied health professionals and natural therapists work together to determine individual health plans that recognizes the whole person (mind, body and spirit), optimises well-being and effect the best possible recovery from illness,the school where my boyfriend was studying to become a yoga teacher and a yoga therapist.
EN_India, New Delhi, December, 2010.
Thanks to this school in Rishikesh we met very special people. A special one was the director of the hospital that we met. He received us in his room. It was a room full of books, with a small bed and a bedside table where he made his breakfast every morning.Before to leave the room, the Indian Swami, director of the hospital in Rishikesh, stood up from the ground and, whispering, he asked to me and him to wait. He went to the library, just behind his bed. He pulled out two small booklets and handed them to us. Staring at me in a gentle way, he handed me the first booklet: an Indian sage on how to deal with, recognize and overcome the anger. I remembered the words of ayurveda doctor the day before.
He said: “Your original Pita suffers because the anger inside you nourish Vata and push it up sky-high and it drains you….. Here, a reasoned explanation of my extreme thinness. You were born with a masculine strength, very high, and for this reason you try to kill and wound the pride of the men to whom you are related. Your father, your brother, your boyfriend. Your energy is strong, so you need to be alone sometimes and this is good. You can consider yourself blessed, because you get everything you want out of life, but put out the anger, drinking plenty of water, and soothe it with a lot of sugar and sweets, otherwise it will burn you”.
In India, life had never stopped talking to me. Swami saw the amazement on my face, I could not understand how he could read without knowing anything about me. But the thing that shocked me even most was the little book that he gave to him. Trying to hide my curiosity I looked briefly at the title. The Swami gave him an essay on how to deal with and maintain relationships. In that moment I heard growing the song of Om from the garden and I thought to abandonment. Om, a sound that rises and all-embracing. Difficult to explain what I felt that day. I got the point to forget the things that were frightening me. Abandonment at the end, faced in the family or outside it, sooner or later it was a fear that I had to overcome.
The last winter I made every step to overcome it. It’s been a looooooong cold lonely winter, as my special friend Maddalena Merlino said. Now the sun is coming again. With love, olivia.