On the way home I was watching Ale driving his Jeep, barefoot, holding her left leg on the door, like me. He was a wild man! So free.
Ale was traveling alone since so many years and he had a lot to teach me: wherever he was, he was always himself, nothing else. It was his way of breathing. When I asked him if he would be back in Italy he said “I’ve been walking with bare feet for ten years. Now I don’t care to possess things. All I have is a pair of shoes and two or three shirts in the closet and I’m so happy. I never want to own things again, just the sailboat to always be in the place that I love. The ocean. ” I looked at the ocean in the distance.
I thought when I was in Auckland when I was sailing in the sea. I thought of the wind, the sea, my captain “Mike capesize” to Luigi again, who was still so ‘close to my heart when I was traveling. I felt lonely.
Ale took a cigarette and continued to speak. “Trebbia Valley, 1979. Family’s meal. Everyone was there. My dad, my mom, my grandparents and I was fascinated by the mountains that I saw behind my house. You know, they were like a magnet for me and I kept telling it to everybody. I wanted to be heard. I told everyone that I was going there, and everyone told me “ go … go” .. but in the meantime they were talking about “political bullshits”. No time to listen to a child and watching him in his eyes. So I filled my little backpack with bread and other stuff, and I found myself at the top of the hill alone free as ever .. I still remember the fully emotion, perfumes and beauty of the valley and I was feeling alive and free .. free to do anything .. I had the world in my hands … I was 7 years old and they found me 8 hours after only because I had forgotten the water and I had to go back to the first village where my grandmother and my mother brought me home … I wasn’t angry with anyone, I wasn’t running away from anything, I had only done what I wanted to do, and from that moment I started traveling and listening to children with much more attention …. “.
After his words I thought to the Trebbia Valley, a place so familiar to me.
I thought when I was fishing with dad in the river, while we were talking about the nature and the world. I told him that I wanted to see many things and to travel around the world to find a place to live happy forever. Dad teased me and told me: “There isn’t in the world such a beautiful place like this one. Hemingway, who was a traveler said that the Trebbia Valley is the most beautiful valley in the world. “
Looking back on that sentence I started to think that I had never noticed what place was the most beautiful for me , but I was realizing that Zanzibar was starting to penetrate my heart, like no other place had never done until that point. Suddenly I realized all the places, all my travels had never brought me so distant as I was now.
It wasn’t the place, it wasn’t the huge space. It was, for the first time, an inner feeling of complete freedom. I started to think that I wasn’t lonely. There was Ale sometimes with me, a lot of people in the Nwngui’s Village, many people from everywhere, new things to see. I started to realize that the travel to Africa was the first that I was doing to find myself.
Then I remebered a meeting in Bali.
In a fateful day with dark clouds and rain I went to Buddha Bar Cafè. I sat in one empty seat that was next to a guy concentrated to write on a black book. He smiled when he saw in front of me a hot chocolate with whipped cream and a huge slice of chocolate cake and he ordered the same one (he was destined to the greedy’s group in the hell, like me). Then our conversation began. Troy, a yoga teacher, told me of his theory.
“Many of us miss what’s available to be seen-the world-because the eyes we use to see are Constantly focused only on our relationship to our own mind. The mind can not feel or see. It thinks. It thinks about ways to make “you” happy. It is willing to sacrifice you in order to try again and again and have you be a guinea pig to it’s idea of love: suffering. (Think Romeo and Juliet “(turiyoga.com )
I was struck by what he said. In fact, I thought he was trying to get out of a big disappointment in love. We all try it, first or later. So I was happy and in love, I was in Bali with Luigi, wanting nothing more. But something happened. When Luigi met Troy started to tell him that I was a “little bit special”, a bit on the clouds and suddenly Troy, like a novel’s knight errant he defended me, stopping him by saying that I was “alive”. My hearth was so grateful to him, because he knew what I was missing. That match left me a deep impression, and when he went away I began to miss him, and I didn’t understand why. If I wasn’t deeply convinced to be loyal to Luigi … I could started thinking that I was in love with Troy, so I began to wonder why I was missing him. In that meeting there was a powerful lesson that I should understand immediately.
The Essenes spoke of seven mirrors, antique instruments known and widespread that help us to recognize the emotions that we face in our daily lives and transform them, changing ourselves into beings with a higher vibration.
At that point in my life, the beautiful and deep friendship with Ale and the meeting with Troy were showing me what was the largest full of energy in my life, they were showing me myself, what I was judging in the life and what I ‘ve forgotten.
In Africa, I was beginning to feel alone. But I tried to reconsider the idea. I was not alone I was only free. That was scaring me. And I was just starting to enjoy the idea to look the world only with my eyes.
It was the third mirror of the Essenes. When you stand next to someone and something magical happens.
What was happening?
I was asked to admit the possibility that I was giving up with big parts of myself in order to survive in life. In Bali I was loving Luigi but I was not able to be truly myself in front of him. I was loosing myself.
I was understanding that Ale and Troy were emboding the things that I had lost and I was trying to find in myself. That’s why I was attracted magnetically to these two beings who had for me a very familiar look. What was it?
But the question was: “What they have that I had lost or I had been taken away?
What did Troy and Ale had ….that I was missing? They had entered the field of my consciousness and they were telling me that I lacked the freedom and independence from others. My personality was fading because I was more focused on “not losing Luigi” more than about “not losing myself”. It was a powerful lesson of my life. Love myself before loving someone else to really feel and appreciate what was around me and to understand it.